PIPER AT THE GATES OF DAWN
Distraught at the state of modern football, in particular the imminent demise of Sheffield Wednesday, former pop star, Mrs Evans, Dr Who companion and Dr Who (possibly), Billie Piper embarks on a mission to find the only people who can save the game and Wednesday - 1970s middle of the road stalwarts, Orlando, Hopkins and Wilson. However, disillusioned by a world that no longer communicates by knocking three times on anything never mind twice on exposed plumbing, they have removed themselves from society, behind fettered iron barriers at the bottom of their garden path, where Billie, alas, waits in vain.